Love Without Boundaries

The love of a parent for a child is, in most cases, boundless. Oh, you do read in the papers or see on the evening news, cases of parents who lock their children in cages, beat them, sexually abuse them, etc. Many of you have no doubt read about David Pelzer, who has authored several books about his childhood of abuse by his mother primarily, and by his father’s neglect. Most parents do not conceive a child and then spend the nine months of gestation conjuring up ways to hurt that child. But hurt to our children by us as parents, happens anyway, just by us being ourselves, and passing on to them what we received from our parents.

If you are a parent, chances are good that you have been hurt by your children. In their way, they may be “paying you back” for their negative childhood experiences. It’s quite possible that they aren’t inflicting pain upon you intentionally, but that their sub-conscious mind is being thoughtless, neglectful or punishing you unintentionally.

And still you, as a parent, continue on loving that child. The reason that what they do hurts so much is that you do care and love deeply. What parent doesn’t long for an open, honest, loving and enjoyable relationship with their child? When it isn’t that way, you spend hours asking yourself what pain you inflicted on them that they are retaliating for now.

God gave each person a heart – an organ that pumps around life-giving blood throughout the body – AND, responds to emotions. An old saying, “He or she died of a broken heart” is very true in many cases today. Our blood pumper responds to what’s going on around us. It aches, it beats fast, it gets out of rhythm or it feels like it’s beating its way out of your chest. And the heart loves. The brain may use logic to argue why we should stop loving, but our heart fights back much more powerfully (actually 60 times more powerfully) than our brain. So the heart continues to love.

The truth was told in an old story, written many years ago and made into a Hollywood movie. It was spoken by the rusted Tin Man in The Wizard of OZ. “Now I know I have a heart’” he said, “because it’s breaking”.

While you might be saddened by the behaviors of your child, your spouse or your friend, be assured, that when you feel your heart is breaking, at least you know you have one. Your heart was designed to love, so breaking or not, keep on using it to love!

Getting to Five

I read a wonderful book this past week. As a matter of fact, I read it in two days! It was one of those books that just talks to you from it's shelf. I found it, believe it or not, in a discount store. "Buy that book," I kept hearing in my ear. So I picked it up and put it back three times, and finally listened to the voice in my head.

The title of the book is: If I Get to Five - What Children Can Teach Us About Courage and Character. It was written by Dr. Fred Epstein, a neurologist and neurosurgeon. It tells of his life as a pediatric neurosurgeon at New York University's Hospital and now at Beth Israel Hospital in Manhattan. Throughout his career, Dr. Epstein has pioneered new techniques for excizing brain and spinal chord tumors, and has operated on children of all ages and in all stages of disease; children from all corners of the globe. When other physicians would say, "Take your child home to die. There is nothing we can do for him," Dr. Epstein, disagreeing with the prognosis, has performed life-saving procedures successfully.

"We tend to think of children as fragile, little people," says Dr. Fred Epstein. "To me, they're giants." If I Get to Five is a tribute to the hidden strengths of childhood and the unstoppable life force that dwells within each of us.

Five years ago, Dr. Epstein suffered a traumatic brain injury and faced a daunting rehabilitation. He says that the advice of the children he'd saved helped illuminate his own path to recovery. Six of the lessons he had learned from the children he has cared for are the titles of the chapters. They are:

• Hold Someone's Hand
• Live in the Moment
• Face Your Fears
• Believe in Miracles
• Play to Your Strengths
• Love Without Boundaries

The lessons he learned from the children sound like great mottos to me! Perhaps in future blogs we'll look at them, one by one. Until then, see if you can find this good book. You'll cry a bit, laugh a bit, and be inspired a whole lot! It's a "Good for the Soul" book, in my opinion.

So fix a cuppa' tea and curl up with an uplifting, awe-inspiring book! You'll be glad you did.

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