Love Without Boundaries

The love of a parent for a child is, in most cases, boundless. Oh, you do read in the papers or see on the evening news, cases of parents who lock their children in cages, beat them, sexually abuse them, etc. Many of you have no doubt read about David Pelzer, who has authored several books about his childhood of abuse by his mother primarily, and by his father’s neglect. Most parents do not conceive a child and then spend the nine months of gestation conjuring up ways to hurt that child. But hurt to our children by us as parents, happens anyway, just by us being ourselves, and passing on to them what we received from our parents.

If you are a parent, chances are good that you have been hurt by your children. In their way, they may be “paying you back” for their negative childhood experiences. It’s quite possible that they aren’t inflicting pain upon you intentionally, but that their sub-conscious mind is being thoughtless, neglectful or punishing you unintentionally.

And still you, as a parent, continue on loving that child. The reason that what they do hurts so much is that you do care and love deeply. What parent doesn’t long for an open, honest, loving and enjoyable relationship with their child? When it isn’t that way, you spend hours asking yourself what pain you inflicted on them that they are retaliating for now.

God gave each person a heart – an organ that pumps around life-giving blood throughout the body – AND, responds to emotions. An old saying, “He or she died of a broken heart” is very true in many cases today. Our blood pumper responds to what’s going on around us. It aches, it beats fast, it gets out of rhythm or it feels like it’s beating its way out of your chest. And the heart loves. The brain may use logic to argue why we should stop loving, but our heart fights back much more powerfully (actually 60 times more powerfully) than our brain. So the heart continues to love.

The truth was told in an old story, written many years ago and made into a Hollywood movie. It was spoken by the rusted Tin Man in The Wizard of OZ. “Now I know I have a heart’” he said, “because it’s breaking”.

While you might be saddened by the behaviors of your child, your spouse or your friend, be assured, that when you feel your heart is breaking, at least you know you have one. Your heart was designed to love, so breaking or not, keep on using it to love!

Play to Your Strengths

In Fred Epstein’s book, If I Get to Five, he states:

“To the degree that we can continue to access those childhood strengths as adults, we’ll be more resilient, more successful and more fulfilled.”

A good statement, I thought, so I began to ponder its meaning to me – and to those I know well. Rather than look at my deficits, I should examine myself to see what strengths I possessed back when I was four or five – what traits of character I had then that I still have and can use to benefit others and myself.

I was adventurous, curious, a “want to know” kind of girl. And you know what? I still am! I want to know what makes me tick, and I want to know about others too. I am interested in the lives of others, and want to know how I can benefit them so that they feel successful and filled with joy.

But . . . one can take that strength to an extreme, and then it becomes harmful. There is something about my personality type – that “forever a nurse” in me – that wants to fix people who are hurting. But I have come to realize that not everyone wants to be helped or fixed. I sometimes still am learning that lesson, usually the hard way.

The truth is however, found in Epstein’s statement. Being interested in people has been my joy and then my career since I was that little four year old who was friendly with everyone in my neighborhood. Even “Cop Kelly” who walked by our house every morning in his uniform on his way to his daily “beat,” was my friend.

You know, I also remember that my parents were concerned about my interest in people and my friendliness, and wanted me to curb it. It’s been the case all through my life that someone has wanted me to stop being who God made me to be. Yet I know that when I am true to my “calling”, my strength, I feel most successful, most fulfilled.

How about you? Can you identify a strength that you had in childhood that has carried throughout your life? What is it? We at Life Renewal would love to hear from you! Write in to LRI Connect!

See, I’m being concerned about people, again. Oh well!

Believe in Miracles

Our daughter was about to start first grade. She was excited and so were we, so our preparations began in earnest well in advance of the start date. On our agenda, in addition to the new school clothes, was a visit to our family pediatrician for a physical exam.

The exam nearly over, the doctor took her to the eye chart. There, one of a parent’s worst nightmares came true. Naomi could only read the huge E at the top of the chart! Immediately, the pediatrician made an appointment with an ophthalmologist, and we saw her that afternoon. What we learned was frightening indeed, so we were sent on to Massachusetts Eye and Ear, a world famous clinic.

There, pictures were taken of Naomi’s retina, and we spent half a day in tests. Dr, Burson told Ron and I that our daughter was legally blind and would be totally blind within a year – Rubella Retinopathy was the cause, he said. That doctor referred us back to our ophthalmologist, who wasn’t yet satisfied, even though the slides of Naomi’s retinas accompanied her records. We were sent back to Massachusetts Eye and Ear to the world’s leading retina specialist. After a full day of testing, we were ushered into the physician’s office. One physician read aloud the results of her day’s tests while the other looked into her eyes with the ophthalmoscope.

Suddenly, the physician swung around on his chair. “Mom and Dad,” he exclaimed, “take your girl home. There’s nothing wrong with her eyes and there never will be unless she has some sort of accident.”

“But doctor,” we questioned, “How is this possible? There are pictures of her retina that show rubella retinopathy. We don’t understand!”

“Yes,” he replied. “I have the pictures. Last week there were spots on her retina. Today there are none. You believe in prayer, don’t you?”

Of course we believed in prayer, and what we had just witnessed was a miracle. God still is in the miracle business. We have seen several miracles done for that daughter, and we count on them to continue today.

Believing in miracles helps us to recognize them when they are dropped in our laps, as they often are. Our disbelief prevents us from seeing them and being thankful to the One who so generously sends them our way.

If you would like to read more blogs like this or sign up for our monthly newsletter, click here.

Face Your Fears

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. - Ambrose Redmoon

Have you ever been scared to death? I have! It was about three and a half years ago, when an MRI revealed that I had a big problem in my neck – a problem that required a surgical intervention to fix it.

Being a nurse can certainly have its advantages and it can also be detrimental, in that you picture the worst. In my case, I was mortified of the anesthesia, and having a doctor working so closely to my spine was daunting at best! However, neglecting to have the surgery was a surefire way to become paralyzed and remain in severe pain. So…. it was off to the hospital for me.

My surgeon lives about a fourteen hour drive from our home, so we set off in the car on this adventure. About halfway to our destination, I burst into tears and shared with Ron how frightened I was. I said that I was afraid that if the surgery didn’t do me in, my fear would.

Now, I really had no choice but to face the thing I feared, but I didn’t have to face it alone. I suggested to Ron that perhaps he and my surgeon, a wonderful Christian man and the local pastor there, would pray together for me – a special service called an anointing. Ron agreed that it was a good idea.

The night before surgery, I met at the church with the three men, and the anointing took place. They prayed that my fear would be relieved and that the surgery would be successful. The next morning, as I was wheeled to the operating room, I sang. I sang a hymn that I had learned as a child. As the anesthetist was starting to put me to sleep, I continued singing, quietly to myself. What a way to go to sleep!

I faced my fear – the surgery and the anesthesia, but I took along with me the assurance, the fortitude that I had obtained the night before. I learned that day that I can face most anything as long as I am not alone.

How do you face your fears – or do you? What gives you the daring to look fear in the eye, and move forward anyway? Sure would love to hear from you! We’ll post some of your responses on the website.

Oh, by the way, the five hour operation was a big success!

If you would like to read more blogs like this or sign up for a free monthly newsletter, click here.

Live in the Moment

Some folk are scheduled to the max! I don’t mean that they are extremely busy, but that they have a day and time for every activity in which they engage. Monday supper is something chicken, Tuesday its beef, Wednesday is spaghetti day, Thursday is soup and salad, Friday . . . well, you get the point.

Are you so scheduled that you can’t throw in a wash on Tuesday, or refuse to shop for groceries any time other than Thursday evening? Do you never stay out past nine o’clock during the week, or because you must have your eight hours of beauty sleep and be to work by 8 am, you avoid socializing during the week?

Living in the moment, being spontaneous offers opportunities that you might never have unless you break free of your routine. To be sure, having a certain amount of routine can be valuable, but being married to that rigid routine, negates many experiences that spontaneity can offer.

Children have the ability to enjoy every moment; to respond positively to invitations regardless of the “what if’s.” Maybe that’s one of the reasons that the Bible tells us that we should be like children – open, accepting, free and untied to a set-in-cement routine.

In his book, "If I Get to Five", Frank Epstein, M.D. states: “Adults tend to learn a different lesson as we grow older – that our identity is gradually hardening into a form-fitting shell that defines who we are, what we believe, and what we can accomplish. And that’s the trap we all have to avoid, because once we believe we’re as grown up as we’ll ever get, it’s Game Over.”

One little boy in Dr. Epstein’s book had endured two arduous spinal operations and was scheduled for a third. This time, he was scared to death. He had begged his mother to buy him a rather pricey Batman costume, which she was previously reluctant to do. The morning of his surgery, they left their house early, went by the costume shop and she bought the Batman outfit for her son.

In the hospital’s parking lot, they hid behind their car and he changed into the costume. With renewed courage, he marched in to the hospital and toward the operating room, having left his fear behind. As he passed through the corridors, nurses, doctors and patients called out, “Hey Batman!” Those moments of spontaneity gave him the fortitude to face surgery number three bravely.

Sometimes you just have to step out of the ordinary, the routine, the safe or the expected, become someone different than the usual, and live life to the fullest, in the moment. Try it!

Stony Ground and Trials

While we have been enjoying the summer in the cool, clear, mountain air at our retreat, we have also been doing a lot of landscaping, or I should say our friends have with the help of their excavator. Our property is looking so much better now, that it’s become quite inspiring. My friend Donna and I were so inspired, that we decided to take the Kawasaki “Mule” into the forest to see if we could dig out a few tiny trees to use around our property. We had seen so many little cuties, so armed with a shovel and a hand spade, her Mini-Schnauzer, Toby, and our Maddie, we headed for the woods.

We schmoozed around until we found a little fir, about a foot tall. “This will be easy,” we told each other, as we dismounted and grabbed our tools. But we were in for quite a surprise!
We couldn’t seem to get to the soil for all of the rocks surrounding that spindly tree trunk. The two of us, bent in half, struggled and struggled for about twenty minutes, and kept telling ourselves that we were crazy to pursue. But it’s like this, we were both focused, big time, on getting that little tree. So we persevered until finally we were able to free the roots from the rocks to which it had clung so tightly.

We are so proud that we succeeded, and will plant that little stubborn character some place special on the property, and each time we see it and watch it grow, we’ll recall the lesson we learned from that tree.

It may be tough to grow in stony ground, to work your way through the trials and hard experiences of life, but that enables you to build strength – physical strength and strength of character.

When the destructive experiences come, those that would destroy you, you will have the strength to hold fast, to not become discouraged or dislodged from your position. Your roots can grow very deep into the nourishing soil of God’s love and grace.

Someone once said that the trials we endure are workmen to help us to perfect our character. Just yesterday, I told that to a friend who has endured a concentration of agony lately. Her husband had a fall while they were on a foreign vacation – a fall that nearly took his life due to multiple internal injuries. Weeks later on a trip to see family, she had a fall, and broke a vertebra in her back. Her husband’s blood pressure remains difficult to control since his fall, and just last night, his temperature escalated. Next morning, it was discovered that he has an impacted and infected wisdom tooth that has to come out. And she faces still the possibility of serious back surgery or body cast. Today we learned that in addition to everything else going on, her hubby has Shingles, as well. It’s as if a black cloud has parked above their heads with no intention of moving on out!

Trials are the rocks through which we must grow. They do build strength and endurance, and if you are anything like trees, you surely will grow strong and be able to endure such things as the pull and tug caused by two foolish women endeavoring to transplant you. Unlike the tree, you will not be moved!

Hold Someone's Hand

I remember it well. I had just returned from work in my pantsuit nurse's uniform. Our visiting friends had prepared a wonderful supper, and we were just waiting for the potatoes to finish cooking. Suddenly I head a familiar sound from the kitchen - it sounded like the potatoes were boiling over. I raced to the kitchen, but was surprised to see that the potatoes were cooking in my pressure cooker, but the gauge was not on the top, nor were the handles locked. Flames shot up around the pot from the potato water on the electric burner. What to do?

I made a quick decision. The baking soda was in the cupboard behind the flames, and the knob to turn off the stove was behind them. So I reached for the handles and ever-so-gently slid the pot off the burner. But as I got it to the center of the stove, the top blew off, and hot potato water and cooked potatoes landed on me - both hands, my tummy and both thighs. Of course, I let out a war hoop! Ron ran to the bathroom and turned on cold water in the shower, I stripped, getting off those nylon stockings and pants, and headed for the shower. I stood there under the frigid water and watched the skin roll off my body. The pain was beyond anything I had ever experienced.

We wrapped me in a clean sheet and headed for the emergency room where the doctor I worked for and our family doctor awaited our arrival. After a whole lot of pain medication and an IV inserted, the three hour process of debreedment began. And every morning for a week, that process was repeated. My dear visiting friend, who HATES the sight of blood and most medical stuff, was with me for the morning ordeal every day. She held my hand, handed things to the doctor, and was a great nurse and comfort to me.

Holding someones hand in times of distress or pain, is a great blessing. Poor Ron, was given the daunting task of putting silver nitrate on the open wounds after that first week. That was for the purpose of creating a scab, under which the skin could rebuild itself, leaving me with absolutely no scars. Not only did he hold my hand, but he cried along with me as he applied the medication. It burned as bad or worse than the original burn!

What a comfort and an assurance to have special someones who can hold our hand, share our pain or sorrow, give us chicken soup, or rub our feet or aching back in our times of need. Physical touch is healing in itself, but when there is love behind it, the touch is even more beneficial. Actually, touch send out endorphins

Do you have a special someone who holds your hand when you are in need? If you don't, seek out a friend or a family member who is happy to do that for you. And by the way, you can be that hand to hold for someone else too!

Getting to Five

I read a wonderful book this past week. As a matter of fact, I read it in two days! It was one of those books that just talks to you from it's shelf. I found it, believe it or not, in a discount store. "Buy that book," I kept hearing in my ear. So I picked it up and put it back three times, and finally listened to the voice in my head.

The title of the book is: If I Get to Five - What Children Can Teach Us About Courage and Character. It was written by Dr. Fred Epstein, a neurologist and neurosurgeon. It tells of his life as a pediatric neurosurgeon at New York University's Hospital and now at Beth Israel Hospital in Manhattan. Throughout his career, Dr. Epstein has pioneered new techniques for excizing brain and spinal chord tumors, and has operated on children of all ages and in all stages of disease; children from all corners of the globe. When other physicians would say, "Take your child home to die. There is nothing we can do for him," Dr. Epstein, disagreeing with the prognosis, has performed life-saving procedures successfully.

"We tend to think of children as fragile, little people," says Dr. Fred Epstein. "To me, they're giants." If I Get to Five is a tribute to the hidden strengths of childhood and the unstoppable life force that dwells within each of us.

Five years ago, Dr. Epstein suffered a traumatic brain injury and faced a daunting rehabilitation. He says that the advice of the children he'd saved helped illuminate his own path to recovery. Six of the lessons he had learned from the children he has cared for are the titles of the chapters. They are:

• Hold Someone's Hand
• Live in the Moment
• Face Your Fears
• Believe in Miracles
• Play to Your Strengths
• Love Without Boundaries

The lessons he learned from the children sound like great mottos to me! Perhaps in future blogs we'll look at them, one by one. Until then, see if you can find this good book. You'll cry a bit, laugh a bit, and be inspired a whole lot! It's a "Good for the Soul" book, in my opinion.

So fix a cuppa' tea and curl up with an uplifting, awe-inspiring book! You'll be glad you did.

More blogs at http://www.yourlri.com/blog.cfm