Love Without Boundaries

The love of a parent for a child is, in most cases, boundless. Oh, you do read in the papers or see on the evening news, cases of parents who lock their children in cages, beat them, sexually abuse them, etc. Many of you have no doubt read about David Pelzer, who has authored several books about his childhood of abuse by his mother primarily, and by his father’s neglect. Most parents do not conceive a child and then spend the nine months of gestation conjuring up ways to hurt that child. But hurt to our children by us as parents, happens anyway, just by us being ourselves, and passing on to them what we received from our parents.

If you are a parent, chances are good that you have been hurt by your children. In their way, they may be “paying you back” for their negative childhood experiences. It’s quite possible that they aren’t inflicting pain upon you intentionally, but that their sub-conscious mind is being thoughtless, neglectful or punishing you unintentionally.

And still you, as a parent, continue on loving that child. The reason that what they do hurts so much is that you do care and love deeply. What parent doesn’t long for an open, honest, loving and enjoyable relationship with their child? When it isn’t that way, you spend hours asking yourself what pain you inflicted on them that they are retaliating for now.

God gave each person a heart – an organ that pumps around life-giving blood throughout the body – AND, responds to emotions. An old saying, “He or she died of a broken heart” is very true in many cases today. Our blood pumper responds to what’s going on around us. It aches, it beats fast, it gets out of rhythm or it feels like it’s beating its way out of your chest. And the heart loves. The brain may use logic to argue why we should stop loving, but our heart fights back much more powerfully (actually 60 times more powerfully) than our brain. So the heart continues to love.

The truth was told in an old story, written many years ago and made into a Hollywood movie. It was spoken by the rusted Tin Man in The Wizard of OZ. “Now I know I have a heart’” he said, “because it’s breaking”.

While you might be saddened by the behaviors of your child, your spouse or your friend, be assured, that when you feel your heart is breaking, at least you know you have one. Your heart was designed to love, so breaking or not, keep on using it to love!

Play to Your Strengths

In Fred Epstein’s book, If I Get to Five, he states:

“To the degree that we can continue to access those childhood strengths as adults, we’ll be more resilient, more successful and more fulfilled.”

A good statement, I thought, so I began to ponder its meaning to me – and to those I know well. Rather than look at my deficits, I should examine myself to see what strengths I possessed back when I was four or five – what traits of character I had then that I still have and can use to benefit others and myself.

I was adventurous, curious, a “want to know” kind of girl. And you know what? I still am! I want to know what makes me tick, and I want to know about others too. I am interested in the lives of others, and want to know how I can benefit them so that they feel successful and filled with joy.

But . . . one can take that strength to an extreme, and then it becomes harmful. There is something about my personality type – that “forever a nurse” in me – that wants to fix people who are hurting. But I have come to realize that not everyone wants to be helped or fixed. I sometimes still am learning that lesson, usually the hard way.

The truth is however, found in Epstein’s statement. Being interested in people has been my joy and then my career since I was that little four year old who was friendly with everyone in my neighborhood. Even “Cop Kelly” who walked by our house every morning in his uniform on his way to his daily “beat,” was my friend.

You know, I also remember that my parents were concerned about my interest in people and my friendliness, and wanted me to curb it. It’s been the case all through my life that someone has wanted me to stop being who God made me to be. Yet I know that when I am true to my “calling”, my strength, I feel most successful, most fulfilled.

How about you? Can you identify a strength that you had in childhood that has carried throughout your life? What is it? We at Life Renewal would love to hear from you! Write in to LRI Connect!

See, I’m being concerned about people, again. Oh well!