We just celebrated our 44th wedding anniversary. ‘Tis true, we were married on August 15th, the hottest and most humid day of 1965 in New London, Connecticut. All the pictures of me at our wedding show that, ‘cuz my hair frizzed like mad. A new perm and very high humidity caused that!
We look back over these 44 years and feel more like it's been 44 days or maybe 44 minutes - well, we know it's not minutes because it's not humid here and now. We wonder how we managed to survive the first few years of our marriage - they were horrific! Four surgeries and two babies, seven years of put hubby through college, and all of the financial and relational issues that accompanied these events were added to our own personal junk, creating major strains in our relationship!
We've managed, because of grace and mercy, to not just survive, but to thrive during these last 24 years. If you just do the math, you'll discover that it took a while for us to learn what was necessary for personal growth and maturation and for marital restoration. And that's okay, we say, because very seldom does anything worth having, appear instantly! Homemade bread, a beautiful piece of art, a comfortable home and character development - all take time!
Unfortunately, many people suffer for most of their lives and/or their marriages and finally give up - ending up in divorce court, or living quiet lives of misery and discontent. What a waste of two lives. What a poor showing for people of God, who should be demonstrating love and success to the world.
You know other than misery or divorce, there is a third option - fix it! I know, maybe you've tried and you may have even sought out help, but couldn't find solutions. We played that game for years too. One of the major reasons that help seems elusive, is that rather than looking in our own mirror at the image coming back at us, at the attitudes and behaviors that we display, we choose to turn the mirror around and point it at our partners. "If only my wife would . . .," "If only my husband wouldn't . . .". We play the blame game. It's gotta' be the other person's fault; certainly not our's!
Let me tell you something. The hardest and bravest thing you can do to improve your life, your relationships or your attitudes is to finally take a long, hard look in the mirror - It was do or die for us; get a divorce or fix it. Neither of us was interested in misery for the rest of our lives!
The healing process was torture for Ron and I. We really had no guidelines or mentors. But we braved the process that we created, and now we offer that process to those who are sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Take a peek at our offerings here on the website. Binding the Wounds and The Journey are two valuable introspection mirrors - tools for recovery. You need only a couple more people (same sex as you or you and your husband/wife) and the materials, and you set a time once a week for a two hour growing and renewing experience!
And remember, the great key to your success, is looking in the mirror at yourself! Even the Bible tells us that we should "examine yourself," and that's the source of your BEST counsel!
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Monday, August 24, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Always Providing
Ron and I aren't as young as we usta' be! Aches and pains here and there, and the discovery that it takes longer to recover from a fall, a move, unpacking, preparing for a week-long seminar and then doing it, etc . . .
We are now in the mountains of New Mexico and LOVING IT!!! The mornings and evenings are delicious! We can sit on our porch and thoroughly enjoy the stars and the morning birds fluttering about and singing their "welcome to the day" songs. But it isn't all R and R!
We are doing our best to get settled, but that's an interesting project when you're down-sizing too!
Sometimes we need to get some hired help - and of course that comes at a price. On a fixed Social Security income, one can only afford so much. We have a fellow who is going to put up our little addition of a family room/studio, so that we can video some teaching here at our mountaintop spot. That will mean we don't have to drive the 2 ½ hours to El Paso and pay for studio time.
When you're doing a project like this certain "jobs" have to be done prior to the builder's arrival. We had scheduled some help from a fellow who has helped us before, but of late, he has not been really reliable. He comes 1-1 ½ hours late or doesn't call and doesn't show up. Now this creates a real problem! It happened again the last two days he was scheduled.
What to do? How would we find the help we need? Our poor son-in-law, the police officer, is also overwhelmed because he teaches in addition to being a sergeant.
One of our church members heard of our dilemma and suggested that he could find someone for us - and sure enough, a worker showed up today! He was a lovely young man who worked consistently, was easy on our lawn equipment (the other fellow had broken two items) and got the job done precisely. What a blessing to us! He has a regular job with a lumber company, but is willing to work on his days off to help support his family. Now that's a great father and husband!
So once again, we needed not to be apprehensive. The Lord reached over and opened the door precisely when we needed to go through it. At the very right moment, He sent the help we needed.
How grateful we are that we can count on a Heavenly Father who has promised to supply all our needs, and fulfills His promises every time. Always faithful, always on time, and always our needs - probably not our wants, but definitely our needs.
Thank you Lord. You are far more faithful to us than we deserve. Teach us also to be faithful to you and to each other too!
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We are now in the mountains of New Mexico and LOVING IT!!! The mornings and evenings are delicious! We can sit on our porch and thoroughly enjoy the stars and the morning birds fluttering about and singing their "welcome to the day" songs. But it isn't all R and R!
We are doing our best to get settled, but that's an interesting project when you're down-sizing too!
Sometimes we need to get some hired help - and of course that comes at a price. On a fixed Social Security income, one can only afford so much. We have a fellow who is going to put up our little addition of a family room/studio, so that we can video some teaching here at our mountaintop spot. That will mean we don't have to drive the 2 ½ hours to El Paso and pay for studio time.
When you're doing a project like this certain "jobs" have to be done prior to the builder's arrival. We had scheduled some help from a fellow who has helped us before, but of late, he has not been really reliable. He comes 1-1 ½ hours late or doesn't call and doesn't show up. Now this creates a real problem! It happened again the last two days he was scheduled.
What to do? How would we find the help we need? Our poor son-in-law, the police officer, is also overwhelmed because he teaches in addition to being a sergeant.
One of our church members heard of our dilemma and suggested that he could find someone for us - and sure enough, a worker showed up today! He was a lovely young man who worked consistently, was easy on our lawn equipment (the other fellow had broken two items) and got the job done precisely. What a blessing to us! He has a regular job with a lumber company, but is willing to work on his days off to help support his family. Now that's a great father and husband!
So once again, we needed not to be apprehensive. The Lord reached over and opened the door precisely when we needed to go through it. At the very right moment, He sent the help we needed.
How grateful we are that we can count on a Heavenly Father who has promised to supply all our needs, and fulfills His promises every time. Always faithful, always on time, and always our needs - probably not our wants, but definitely our needs.
Thank you Lord. You are far more faithful to us than we deserve. Teach us also to be faithful to you and to each other too!
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Monday, August 10, 2009
Grace
Our eldest daughter is a nurse - an Intensive Care Unit nurse. She sees pain and sadness every day that she puts on her uniform and enters the ICU door. I've been an ICU nurse, many years ago when I was still actively nursing, and I know the heartache that can present itself in that unit.
I've also been a patient in ICU, and I know the quality of care that most ICU patients receive. I had top notch care when I was there for two days following neck surgery. - and I wasn't that sick!
Today, our Sara has to deal with not only the most critical heart patients, seniors who have debilitating illness and are coming to the end of their days on this earth, and believe it or not, even patients who are suffering the withdrawal symptoms from drugs or alcohol -the DT's! Because she works in a small, rather rural community hospital, she has a combination of all sorts of patients.
The other day, the poor darling was overwhelmed! Her shifts are 12 hours, plus the additional time it takes to finish charting or pulling all her work together for the next shift. Working four of those days with several very critically ill patients and someone having the DT's is trying, indeed. She was exhausted!
One elderly gentleman gave her the excuse she needed to let out a bit of her overwhelm and exhaustion. His wife had been in ICU for a couple of weeks, hanging on by a thread and on life support. She improved ever so slightly. Bless their hearts, either he or his daughter had been there almost constantly. When she seemed to recognize their presence, her husband stood beside her bed and sang to her - "Amazing Grace." Sara said that it was amazing alright, and it was Grace alone - given to the patient, the doctors and the nurses that had brought her that far.
"How could we not cry, Mom?" she asked.
"Well, I'd be crying for sure," I replied. "And I don't see a thing wrong with it - just shows two things: your exhaustion and more importantly, your soft and gentle heart. I'm proud of you, girl!"
Grace - the unmerited divine assistance of God for the regeneration and sanctification of mankind.
We need a whole lot of it, don't you think?
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I've also been a patient in ICU, and I know the quality of care that most ICU patients receive. I had top notch care when I was there for two days following neck surgery. - and I wasn't that sick!
Today, our Sara has to deal with not only the most critical heart patients, seniors who have debilitating illness and are coming to the end of their days on this earth, and believe it or not, even patients who are suffering the withdrawal symptoms from drugs or alcohol -the DT's! Because she works in a small, rather rural community hospital, she has a combination of all sorts of patients.
The other day, the poor darling was overwhelmed! Her shifts are 12 hours, plus the additional time it takes to finish charting or pulling all her work together for the next shift. Working four of those days with several very critically ill patients and someone having the DT's is trying, indeed. She was exhausted!
One elderly gentleman gave her the excuse she needed to let out a bit of her overwhelm and exhaustion. His wife had been in ICU for a couple of weeks, hanging on by a thread and on life support. She improved ever so slightly. Bless their hearts, either he or his daughter had been there almost constantly. When she seemed to recognize their presence, her husband stood beside her bed and sang to her - "Amazing Grace." Sara said that it was amazing alright, and it was Grace alone - given to the patient, the doctors and the nurses that had brought her that far.
"How could we not cry, Mom?" she asked.
"Well, I'd be crying for sure," I replied. "And I don't see a thing wrong with it - just shows two things: your exhaustion and more importantly, your soft and gentle heart. I'm proud of you, girl!"
Grace - the unmerited divine assistance of God for the regeneration and sanctification of mankind.
We need a whole lot of it, don't you think?
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Monday, August 3, 2009
Learning
Our new little Mini-Schnauzer girl is learning and teaching us simultaneously! Little Molly is a smart little pup and at the same time endeavoring with all her might to learn how to alert us when she needs an outside potty break. She is learning that these ignorant students of hers (us) have to be told verbally of her need. She comes to wherever we are sitting or standing, stands on her hind legs and gives a hearty "woof-woof" or sometimes a quiet whine. Either vocal alerts us that she needs to "go outside." When we ask her if she needs to "go outside," she replies with an excited "woof-woof-woof!"
This is not an easy lesson for puppies to learn. They have to adapt to a whole different culture than the one they were born into. Let's face it, dogs know very little about indoor versus outdoor plumbing.
One thing they do "get" rather quickly however is eating. Amazing to me that they can figure out the activity of humans eating food versus what it's like for a dog to eat. We certainly don't stick our heads in a bowl located on the floor, but when we are eating, little Molly is "Johnny on the spot" begging to enjoy whatever we have on our plates. We do our best to not give in to her begging. ‘cause we are told by the experts that human food is not great for dogs in most cases - except for some raw veggies and maybe some small amount of fruit. Our Maddie, the schnauzer we lost last summer, was an absolute fiend for bananas. Whenever we would open one, she was at our feet faster than the speed of light! Molly cares not at all for bananas - that we did try.
A few things we certainly can learn from little Molly are:
This is not an easy lesson for puppies to learn. They have to adapt to a whole different culture than the one they were born into. Let's face it, dogs know very little about indoor versus outdoor plumbing.
One thing they do "get" rather quickly however is eating. Amazing to me that they can figure out the activity of humans eating food versus what it's like for a dog to eat. We certainly don't stick our heads in a bowl located on the floor, but when we are eating, little Molly is "Johnny on the spot" begging to enjoy whatever we have on our plates. We do our best to not give in to her begging. ‘cause we are told by the experts that human food is not great for dogs in most cases - except for some raw veggies and maybe some small amount of fruit. Our Maddie, the schnauzer we lost last summer, was an absolute fiend for bananas. Whenever we would open one, she was at our feet faster than the speed of light! Molly cares not at all for bananas - that we did try.
A few things we certainly can learn from little Molly are:
- When you're tired, flop down for a nap.
- When you're hungry, eat. Don't bother to eat when you're not hungry.
- When you're lonely and you are in need of companionship, seek it out! Go and let someone know that you want to be with them.
- When you want to be held, don't wait ‘til someone invites you. Go to the person you live with and offer and ask for love and attention.
- Give affection whenever you're able or the opportunity presents itself - to the people who you know and love, that is.
- Keep your eyes open and your mouth shut - you learn best that way.
- When you want or need something ask for it. Don't expect people to be able to read your mind.
- Any time you can get the chance to go for a ride, stick your nose out in the fresh air and frolic about , do it. The fresh air, sunshine and exercise will do you good. You'll sleep better!
She has taught us about unconditional love. Even when we have missed her clues and as a result she has used indoors for her potty and is reprimanded, she still offers kisses and affection. She readily climbs on our laps, licks our cheek and nuzzles her snout into our necks.
Oh that we would learn that lesson! Forgiveness and relationship restoration should be that easy!
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