I have very little blood family left - other than children, grandchildren and one little great granddaughter, I have just one cousin left, and he's 2500 miles away! Of course, my family was small in size to begin with, but lucky me - I've enlarged the group!
When Ron and I married, I was thrilled that he had 5 siblings. Now there's 2 of them left - 2 of his sisters, and they are precious to me!! But again, they live far away, so get-togethers happen infrequently. Our youngest daughter is far away in miles too. YUK!
Through the years however, we've made friends wherever we have lived - and there have been quite a few places due to career. In our God-given work as a couple, we have met very dear people who continue as loyal supporters and with whom we love to be in touch - Karan and Eric who moved 3500 miles to help us with our ministry.
One female friend is a gal I cannot be without - she's fun and a builder-upper. We e-mail and chat on the phone whenever we get 5 minutes. Another female friend is a loyal chum - understanding and tender and a fabulous cook - thanks for the great lunch, roommate. Another friend lives in cold country - far too far away. We get to see each other once a year if we are lucky. She has been a precious friend who has helped me move and my mother too, far too many times - and done a whole lot more! I have a few new friends who are special too. We plan lunches whenever we can, keep in touch by e-mail and short visits whenever we are in each other's area. There's sweet Linda, the best Massage Therapist in the world, who lives just down the street. YEA!
My Best Friend? - My Savior
My Next Best Friend? - My sweet hubby
But at this moment, my treasured friend is Audrey - a woman of great computer intelligence and know-how, who has helped me out of a computer glitch - so that I could write and publish this blog!
Write and tell a short story about your best friend - Male or Female. I'd love to hear it. Write it in Comments - bottom of this page.
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Tuesday, August 9, 2011
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I never used to know what having a friend meant. All my friends were people who needed something from me. I didn't know how to receive from someone else, but was very good at "giving". Guess I didn't think I was worthy of anything more or that there was anyone out there who thought I was.
ReplyDeleteThen I went through Binding the Wounds with two ladies. After 22 weeks of the mask coming off and the real me coming to light, they were still there and closer than ever. Talk about friends you can't do without. Who do I call if I need something? Who holds me accountable? Who tells me like it is, even if it's tough to hear, and yet loves me anyway?
We may not have the time to get together frequently, but we know the other two are available at the drop of a hat if we need advice, a shoulder to cry on, or even someone to listen as we brag about our Grandchildren.
I thank God for friends like Kay and Lisa.
I don't know how to make friends. It is something I just didn't do. We moved so much that for me it was impossible. Today I am over 50 and still I don't know how to make friends. It is a continual struggle, one I think I am going to lay to rest.
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous;
ReplyDeleteI believe that we aren't really the ones who "make friends." I believe that God puts people in our path who we can feel comfortable with, who will love us regardless of our flaws, who will be available when we need them and for whom we would sacrifice.
It's quite understandable however, that having moved a lot as a child, it was not possible to really have good friends. TRUST is the big factor in friendship, and how can you learn to trust an individual when you are leaving them all the time and moving on to another stranger.
Maybe the greater question is: How did you connect with your Mother? . . .your father? If those connections were poor or non-existant, it would be difficult to emotionally connecct in later years. We learn our style of attachment or connection by age 2, and usually keep it for a lifetime.
Nancita:
ReplyDeleteI remember when I first met you about 7 years ago."
I have friends from many areas: religion,swimming team, work, family, etc.
I am open to having friends and cherish each one.
I know that I must water the seeds of friendship.
How? by looking at them in the eye when they speak....call them regularily, e-mail and write.
Remember their birthdays and special days.
Make food for them...ha..ha I try.
Be patient with them...accept them "as is.
Give to them..my time, money and home.
Forgive them with compassion.
Listen to their every word.
This is how you treat me, Nancy. I remember you invited us to Thanksgiving in your home...with my 3 year old grandson who had probably never sat at a "family" dinner. I did not have a family, so you , and all my other friends are my "family."
I truly love you and all your wisdom, and BAKING!
Kathleen
Good thoughts but really I am good for about 2 seconds of time :). Can laugh and talk with a stranger and never know their name. Meet someone on a walk who is down and share with them. But for everyday I have tried but fail every time. I am not really sad about it just disappointed. As for my mother you are right she just isn't emotionally there.She needs to be taken care of and she would prefer if all things were done for her.
ReplyDeleteDear Anoymous;
ReplyDeleteJust want you to know that your situation is fixable! Our slogan: If you are teachable, you are fixable!
Look back in your stack of memories as far back as you can recall, and remember what your Mother was like when you were young. Did you feel really connected to her? What about your connection with your father? Was he present emotionally, or were both parents more avoidant?
Now reyou knew them. Were they connectable? What they were like with your motther and father when your parents were children. In your childhood did they connect emotionally with you?
This is what influences how you can connect.
Write back with what you know about family. Also what nationality were your grandparents? Culture plays a part heretoo. Actually we carry 4 generations of emotional and behavioral influence with us all the time, as well as physical. It's in our genes!
Friends vs. Acquaintances
ReplyDeleteYes, your true female friends are precious indeed!
My best friend taught me how to be a good friend, and our friendship continues to this day.. over 35 years plus! We met because my husband and I had marital problems and Ron and Nancy Rockey helped us re-build our lives.
From there a wonderful friendship blossomed and it is still going strong. But in the beginning it took work - I didn't make friends easily and tho' it sounds silly - had to learn how to make and keep a good friendship alive. I lacked positive role models so what did I know?! I had to let her see and understand the real me (and that's not always pretty..).. I had to open up.
And guess what? Keeping a friendship alive and well takes work; yet anything worthwhile takes work and needs maintenance or it suffers and eventually breaks down. Maintenance being: seeing each other on a regular basis, frequent calls, e-mails, prayers and even a real letter once in awhile or a little "gift" just for fun. You share yourself when you are happy, sad or grumpy... Things get better when you share with a best buddy who really cares. Joys are multiplied and sorrows are made more bearable. Sometimes we do disappoint one another or disagree - but.. we are only human and we talk it out and go on as strong as ever!
Some friends are just there to do fun things with, and then there's friends that you can count on when there's a crisis-the "helpers" (and God bless them!)
They just seem to be put on this earth to HELP you and that's only when they show up in your life. Strange but true!
Unrealistically, I thought my friends would be forever but then some decide they aren't comfortable around you any more because you have changed (even tho' it's a positive change)and you take a step back and end up being acquaintances again. It hurts, but is necessary to pull back from a friendship that chips away at you and undermines your well-being.
And there's opportunities (if you are aware) to make new friendships and I am so blessed with my loyal friends- old and newer! We can never have enough friends!
As we age, circumstances in life will continue to change - but not our loving and loyal best buddies!
D.